It was just about a few months since we had moved into the apartment. A lot was to be done for a young couple to setup their newly bought home, with a two-year old kid to manage all by themselves. The home required renovation, some of which was major. The lady of the house wanted to resume her dental practice, in the new city and after almost a three year gap in work due to her maternity. The idiotically philosophical man of the house wanted to build a solid foundation for his family to survive practically and thrive emotionally, in the growing jigsaw of his life.
In my personal disposition, I wanted my son to get an unadulterated care from his parents, at least until the age of three. More than three would've been a bonus as I acknowledged societal trends and their unavoidable influence over my family. With the gap in her practice getting longer, my wife was becoming more and more apprehensive about her prospects of getting a job. She did not want a long daily commute to a far off clinic as it would eat up her limited quality time with our son. We could not afford starting our own clinic, it'd have required an exceptional amount of time, effort, and commitment from both of us, which would've come at a cost that our little child would have to bear.
We tried hiring a professional babysitter but we failed in our many attempts. After a lot of trials from an expensive agency, we found one who showed some hope of being able to fit into our family equation. We convinced ourselves that our son will eventually accept her. Within a week of employing the babysitter, my wife got an offer to work at a popular dental clinic nearby. On the third day of my wife resuming her practice, the babysitter absconded. My wife had to quit her practice again, immediately. She took this blow in a spirit of understanding and adjustment for the family, after all it was all for our child. But it was a personal and emotional setback for her, I could very well feel it.
Having failed to live up to the first social norm of having a babysitter, we chose the next one - a playschool. This decision was majorly influenced by our peers who were in double-income groups, unlike us, and wherein both parents worked in what they deemed critical-for-survival full-time jobs. Examples were cited of putting even one or two years old kids in playschools, with the justification that they'd get focussed attention from professionals rather than distracted-by-work and inexperienced parenting. I felt disgusted at this pseudo-American thought process. In my closed "philosophical" circle of a few, I used to vent it out by saying that such couples should not have decided to become parents in the first place.
However, social norms are norms coz they are hard to break or be beaten down by idiotic ideas. Since we belonged to the "rich" class, we started looking out for branded playschools. As a bargain for my failed challenge to the norm, I imposed that the school that we chose needed to offer a live CCTV feed of our son while he was in school. I am very sceptical (in fact I am kind of paranoid) of the increasing paedophilia in our so called evolved society. There were no vacancies in the nearby schools that qualified our criteria. They offered admissions in far off branches with a promise to transfer when casual vacancies opened up in the nearby branches. Desperate and tired, we put our son in a newly opened and non-branded playschool which was at a walkable distance from our home. The school didn't offer live CCTV feed but guaranteed an all female staff and video surveillance with 7-day retention period of the surveillance recordings. Still apprehensive, I did a thorough check of the entire school premise and all its rooms. Still I was only half convinced but I had to take the leap of faith to comply with the laws of coexistence in a family.
First full week of dropping him to his first school was very emotional for all three of us. It was very hard to walk off the school premise while he was crying for us to not leave him. Even after a month, in his first parents' teachers' meet, his teacher told us that he's mostly known, and at times teased by his friends, by the lines "mujhe mummy chahiye..., mujhe papa chahiye...". Somehow, we managed our emotions and told ourselves that he will settle down soon. This time, we wanted to give him more time to settle before starting looking out for our second job.
I've mentioned in my previous posts how there were some unusual practical setbacks in my professional life that pushed me way behind in the race of earning high salaries. A pleasant respite came when I joined my current company in 2019. The switch helped me fill the gap between my salary and the market median, substantially if not completely. However, the bigger impact on our life was something different. The company offered to its employees a very good creche facility, run by the same super branded playschool group that me and my wife were targeting earlier, that too within the company's campus. I didn't know about this benefit when I'd accepted the offer.
My son and I soon settled into our co-located workplaces. It became a joyful routine when, everyday morning at around 9:30am I would drive my little work partner to my office. His company made my daily office commute a pleasure. I used a carpooling app to give lift to office goers on the same route. The car-poolers got an unexpected delight in their mornings, to see their cute little office-goer. I used to do little magic tricks to pop a Mango Bite out of my pocket as soon as my son greeted our co-travellers. He could not unwrap the candy himself. To avoid making his hands sticky, I used to unwrap it and put it directly in his mouth. Regular car-poolers started bringing candies for him, occasionally, after seeking permission from me. On one of the days, the playful devil in me made him try and unwrap the candy himself. He struggled for a long time and finally gave up. The co-traveller also got down at her stop during this. Then we were stuck in traffic and a big Volvo bus stopped just next to our car, on our left. The driver cabin of the bus was just an arm's length away from my son's window. I told my son to ask "Driver Uncle" to unwrap the candy. The driver was pleasantly surprised by my son's approach. He could not catch my son's unclear speech but played along. He smiled, my son smiled, my son gave the candy to the driver, the driver unwrapped the candy, ate it, and said "Thank you!". Now my son was stunned :). My son still remembers this incident.
Metro work was going on in my city, on a large scale. On the way to office, I used to point towards the incomplete civil work and ask my son to call and scold the civil engineer, using my phone. My son used to play along and scold the engineer in a very cute and loveable manner - "Bhaiya! yeh Metyo ke pillays ke beech mein gap kyun chhoy diya.. ab tyain ayegi toh giy jayegi.. dhang se kaam kayo nayi toh main apko daantunga..". He could not speak "r" at that time, sound of "y" used to come whenever he tried to say "r" in a word.
During the day, my wife and I used to watch, with a smile, his cute movements, interactions, and reactions during various activities at school. In certain moments, we used to call each other and happily discuss what he must be thinking in those moments. If he felt uncomfortable, I reached him within a couple of minutes.
In afternoon, at around 4pm, I used to pick him up from the playschool and take him to my office cafeteria to join my colleagues for tea. In those days, there used to be a small peanut stall in our office. It used to sell roasted peanuts in a little paper bag, for 10 rupees. My son used to take 10 rupees from me and walk across the cafeteria to get the peanuts. My colleagues used to watch him anxiously as they feared that other people won't expect and take notice of a two-feet little boy walking alone in a busy cafeteria. The peanuts vendor soon started recognizing my son from a distance. My son used to carefully hold the packet in his little hands and walk back to us. He used to offer just one peanut each to all of my colleagues and then he used to sit in one of the chairs besides us and eat all peanuts one by one. He used to get lost in the crunchy feeling that he got while eating them. Till date, my colleagues remember those beautiful moments. They make a mention sometimes during our evening tea at the office.
On the way back to home, there was a particular place where we used to encounter a lot of cows. At times, I used to take stale bread from home in the morning and used to make my son feed the cows on our way back. While I drove the rest of the distance, he used to have video calls either with my mother or with my wife. At times, he used to just fell asleep.
One fine day, there was crazier than usual traffic on our way back home. Home was still far and my son wanted to poop. He was undergoing potty training in those days. The school had explicitly asked us to keep him off diapers, in general. I had to quickly find an apt place on the roadside, make him poop, wash him up, change his clothes and drive back to home. I remember that I was frustrated in that moment, mainly because of the timing, traffic, logistical challenges, and my tiredness from the busy day at work. But after reaching and settling down at home, I felt good about being able to attend to my child appropriately, in an unexpected and sudden situation.
Overall, I was feeling in good practical control of my life. My wife had resumed and settled into her practice. I was able to achieve a good work-life balance, getting a not very below par salary. I was able to fill in for my wife in giving apt care to our child while she was creating a little space for her own individuality. In fact I was very happy that I was getting to spend more time with my son, which is still not a norm for many fathers.
By early 2021, Covid-19 had set its foot in my country. Video calls with my mother were now dominated with concerns about health and well-being of everyone in my bigger family. My bigger family included my parents and my sister's family. Finally the pandemic hit our country and it grounded all of us at our respective homes. The pandemic was a very painful time for the whole mankind. Apart from losing a huge number of human lives, most of us lost our sanity. I was scared for myself and my dear ones, like almost everyone around me.
The pandemic changed many social norms, for the good. It offered interesting directions and opened some unforeseen routes on the journey of my life.
My wife, being a medical practitioner, was not barred from continuing her dental practice during the pandemic. She retained her normal work shifts and treated her patients while wearing suffocating PPE kits. She had to wear lighter but still a good amount of protective gear even while not doing the medical procedures. On the other hand, my company offered work from home to all its employees. As a general precautionary measure, house helps were also barred from entering the apartment that we lived in. So, I had to take a major load of keeping our house, in addition to the full time care of our child. Also, I took part time care of my job that paid me a below par salary :).
Thus started my journey as a "stay-at-home" dad. I've been on this journey for almost four years now. The only deviation from the convention of "stay-at-home dad" is that I am still the main bread-earner of the family. I cherish the amazing time that I have spent on this journey. I feel rewarded when I see certain good and humane traits that my son exhibits. I am happy and satisfied that I got sufficient time to perform my duties as a father. Of course, he's not the best kid, neither am I the best father. But I've learnt in life that good is often more lovable and more sustainable than the best..
