Monday, June 17, 2013

Take a pause...

Hey friends, I know it's been long but lets see if this post finds some readers..

Today while sitting in my small rented room, which they call "studio apartment" in Gurgaon, it just struck me to check if this blog still exists. To my amazement, it does. When I went through my previous posts, I leaped into that world of thoughts to which I had not given a visit for the past 4 years of my life. It may look cliched, but I couldn't help but to think about the changes that have come in my life, and in the lives of the few people with whom I have been keeping in touch once in an year, or so, over the last 4 years. I am taking a pause from my daily thoughtless life, thinking about what I have done and how I've evolved over the past few years, and this starts my drive to draw some general pattern from how our lives might have changed.

I still remember that I started writing this blog to:
1. Improve my grammar, for CAT 2009.
2. To share my thoughts, which were more philosophical than pertaining to the general blogging trend that stuck to expressing views over political or demographic developments happening around.
3. To maintain a "bro book" kinda thing to capture memories of my best friends from college.
4. To remind me to "take a pause" and come back to this "world of thoughts" sometime while running full throttle in my busy life.

With this post, I feel that I am effecting the cause mentioned in the 4th point. The other 3 being slightly touched upon in the past, this gives me some sense of achievement in fulfilling all the goals. Please bear with me for this philosophical stuff, those who survive till the end of the post are entitled to my gratitude.

One of the reasons I come back to this blog is that I have recently realized that over the years my reading has taken a back seat in my daily class of activities. While preparing for CAT, I found this new love for reading. Starting with Chetan Bhagat's youth stories, and Dan Brown's fiction I somehow came across The Fountain Head, and from then on started on a journey towards philosophical enlightenment. The Fountain Head was followed by The Algebra of Infinite Justice, I'm OK you're OK, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Lila, and self help books from the likes of Ken Blanchard and Robin Sharma. All these books were like a Pandora's box which gave me a never-before-thought and unique perspective towards life. It groomed my personality, widened my Circle of Influence (leadership institute training at Infosys Mysore) and, I'm not bragging, built a credible Brand Image of me among my peers. I attribute all my professional success and rational thought development to the learning received from these books.

However, the wonderful journey of enlightenment didn't continue as I wanted it to, and I got distracted by other quests of my life.

It is in this "pause" that I recognize the distraction. If I think of the possible causes of this distraction, they could be:
1. The end of college that put me in that sad mood of missing the happening life, outside the protective umbrella of family.
2. The blinding joy of getting employed and earning money for "the first time".
3. Start of my first relationship, that shot the testosterone levels so high that there was no turning back :).

And now if I think about how far that distraction took me from "enlightenment", I reach my present which is:
1. Working with a Big Four MNC, earning approx. 10 lacs, with a slip disk, fat cheeks, pouted belly, and the big question "will I be able to plan my future with this salary?", and another question "when will I be physically fit again?"
2. Managing family properties, planning investments, and feeling the heat of complicated family problems and responsibilities.
3. Serving "Pyar ka Punchnama", believe me there's only one difference - I'm called "baby" instead of "babu".

I wished I had elongated this "pause", but it seems there's still some waiting when the "pause" becomes routine and the meaningless routine becomes a "pause". With these "unleashed expressions" coming to light, I think I can trace the way back to the source of this light. Wish me luck, see you soon...